Please proofread my essay
posted by shining_star007 on .
Weather Gone Wild
-During this semester, I was to keep track of a current event. I chose researching extreme weather nation wide, but I was most interested in discovering if there was any sort of extreme weather happening around the United States, as well as finding out what causes the weather to get extreme. Before I started my research, I knew that extreme weather was happening and I thought it was caused by global warming. I chose to write about this topic because I was very fascinated about extreme weather happening. During my research, I hoped to find out where around the United States extreme weather was taking place. I also wanted to prove that extreme weather was caused by global warming. During my study of extreme weather, I thought that my study would turn out to be that extreme weather was caused by global warming. In every part of the world, extreme weather happens, but it also happens around the United States, probably because of the global warming that is taking place.
-Much of the commercial media tends to blow things way out of portion and inaccurately stating that extreme weather is a natural thing that is not at all caused by global warming, which the media claims that it’s not happening. Even though articles are hard to find and the media sometimes doesn’t publish good articles, I was able to find two articles to help my research of extreme weather. As I did my research, I found two articles that stated clearly that extreme weather was caused by global warming. While reading my first article, “Alaskan Storm Cracks Iceberg In Antarctica: Study,” I thought, at first, that the storm wasn’t to blame for the cracking of the iceberg because icebergs crack a lot of times. As I continued reading, the scientists who researched the cracking of the iceberg, analyzed the results and the iceberg cracked because of global warming. In the article, “Harvesting Pumpkins With A Rowboat,” I didn’t think that the crazy weather caused by global warming could possibly be responsible for so much damage to the crops. In this article I learned that not only has there been crazy weather in the month of October in the New England states recently, but also in years past according to Dan Tawcynski. Both of the articles accurately proved that crazy weather is caused by global warming. I choose these two articles because the information that was provided was consistent, accurate, and useful. if these articles were to be read by another person, they would be able to easily follow along with the information that is presented in the articles because most of the information provided, is information that scientist have studied or residents of affected areas.
-As both articles contain consistent information, both them had information that could be easily compared and contrasted. In the article “Alaskan Storm Cracks Iceberg In Antarctica: Study,” there was a bad storm that caused an iceberg to crack. the storm had generated an ocean swell that broke apart a giant iceberg near Antarctica, six days later (Reuters 1). The waves of the storm traveled 8,300 miles and destroyed the iceberg, said Douglas MacAyeal of the University of Chicago and Emile Okal at Northwestern University (Reuters 1). In the article “Harvesting Pumpkins With A Rowboat,” rain flooded up to eight feet deep after 13.2 inches of rain fell in just one night (Blakemore 1). In both articles, each had some similar results. In both cases, each of the storms happened in the month of October. Just as in the Alaskan storm article, the scientists in the article, seem to think that the storm was caused by global warming and possibly may happen again, “One thing we’re debating in the world right now is whether global warming might increase the storminess in the oceans,” MayAyeal said (Reuters 1). Then in the article “Harvesting Pumpkins In A Rowboat,” the farmer and citizen of Massachusetts Dan Tawcynski, whose pumpkin field was destroyed by the rains, he says that he feels the culprit is global warming (Blakemore 1). It is a proven fact that extreme weather is caused by global warming.
-As I have researched, my hypothesis that extreme weather being caused by global warming has proven to be true. How can global warming become limited? The solution is to reduce the production of heat storing Carbon dioxide, by driving automobiles less, car pool or ride the public bus. Air pollution also degrades the ozone layer, which adds to global warming causing extreme weather. Even though extreme weather happens everywhere, it’s not uncommon for extreme weather to occur in the United States.
Where the little dash marks are out to side, that's where the paragraph starts.
Please give me the exact wording of your assignment -- and the subject for which this paper is being written.
This is what my essay is suppose to have in it and this paper is for English.
a.Have an Introduction: Your introduction will tell readers what you knew about the topic before starting research, why you chose it, what you hope to find out or prove about it or how you think it will turn out during your study of it. This should be a minimum of a half of a page and a maximum of two pages. Remember that this should contain a thesis statement that will help to focus the paper.
b.Critiques of Information: In the body of the paper, you will critique at least two (2) articles/pieces you found during the course of the semester but no more than eight (8).Only ONE of these articles/pieces can be from dates prior to the start of the term. Remember to cite each resource appropriately, and remember that these need to flow into one another (use transitions)
c.Have a Discussion: Also in the body of the paper, you’ll need to compare/contrast the ideas you found in those articles about your topic. You may want to do this after all the critiques or even within the response sections of each critique. It doesn’t matter where you put it as long as (a) it flows and (b) it’s there!
d.Have a Conclusion: You need to come to some sort of conclusion about the information you’ve found. You will also need to give a solution or resolution proposal for the issue that you’ve been researching. Remember to make it appropriate and feasible.
I don't find many problems, grammatically or otherwise, in your paper except for these two things:
1. To me, you are using first-person far too much. (First-person is I, me, my, etc.) If this is a research paper and if it's for English, I'd think you'd need to be more formal in your writing. You should discuss this with your teacher, though. If he/she is fine with all the first-person stuff, then leave it. If not, you'll need to find a way to change it all into the more formal, third-person language.
2. "I chose researching extreme weather nation wide<~~should be one word, not two, but I was most interested in discovering if there was any sort of extreme weather happening around the United States<~~what's the difference between 'nationwide' and 'around the United States'?, as well as finding out what causes the weather to get<~~'become' is a better word than 'get' extreme."
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that you should be using first-person very little, if at all.
Yeah, I asked my teacher about it and she told me I could use first or third, I just found it be easier to write it in first.
I am interested in Nursing career because I like taking care of people , it will take me less time to finish than other health careers. Also It will help me pursue other health career or I can get a higher degree in Nursing.
Taking care of people have been part of me from the time I was 12 years old . When I was in Sierra Leone my dad will leave my younger sister with me and I will take care of her until my dad come home. Also other people in they village will leave their children with me when the are going to their farm because there children will not cry when they are with me compare to other kids in the village. In addition, when I came to USA after I finish High school I started to work in a group home . I feel really proud when I am not at work and the next day I come back to work and my manager tell me that the consumers were calling my name and talking about me. Also on holiday when the consumers family come to visit they are happy because we are doing wonderful Job for their family.
Next, I am interested in this health career because it will take me less time to finish than other health careers. I need to finish this health career quickly because I want to help the pregnant women and the sick children in kono Sierra Leone . One year ago I went back to Kono to visit my grandmother. Most of the children in Kono were sick with no doctors and nurses in the village. The only medicine I saw t andhe sick children drank was from the native medicine women in the village. The have different type of leaves the boil and they give it to the children that are sick. The medicine work sometimes but most of the time the die from the medicine. In addition, most pregnant women that delivered there baby die during labor because the people in Kono are not train enough to help them delivered there baby. If I become a Nurse I will go to the village and help them with what ever they need.
Futhermore when I finish this career I will get a higer degree in this career or pursue other health career like doctor. Now I cannot afford the money to be a doctor but I think if i am nurse I will work for some years save money and futher my nursing career or be a doctor.
In conclusion, I really want to attend the nursing program at temple university . Even though my first semester I withraw from three classes , I am a good student and I was new at the university. I will work harder t o get all A's next semester.
it sucks ass
Hey sweetie, i can tell you have given this a lot of thought and as english is not your first language you have not done too bad. What i suggest is that you read more nursing magazines/books, that will help. This post is dated so i am not sure if you still need help. As for amanda chamberlain one word discribes you