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August 1, 2014

Homework Help: Please proofread essay

Posted by Soly on Thursday, September 14, 2006 at 10:35am.

Could you please proofread my agumentive essay and make sure that my pronouns agree with each other. Thanxs!

Who Is An American?

What makes a person an American? The debate is still standing on what actually makes a person an American. Each person has a different response on what makes them American. Some may say that just speaking English well makes them American, while others may say serving their country. Many people argue over the fact on what makes a person an American, but what really does make a person an American?

According to a new Purdue University study, more than 94 percent of U.S. citizens say that having United States citizenship makes someone “truly American” (Fernandez). In contrast to the 90 percent of those U.S. citizens surveyed that speaking and writing English well and a willingness to pledge allegiance to the flag are not as important in defining someone truly an American (Fernandez). Why would U.S. citizens say that having citizenship is by far more important than speaking and writing English well and having to pledge allegiance to the flag? Some may disagree, but shouldn’t people know how to write and speak English before they become a citizen to this great country? Being a citizen of America gives any person that wants to be a citizen an opportunity, the opportunity of starting a brand new life.

However though, a person who knows their heritage is another way that a person can be American. For insistence in the essay “My Identity Crisis” by Floydina White, she had to do some research through her family’s generation to find the answers. In the end she found out who she came from and how she got there. By the end of the essay she just plainly accepts that she’s black-Hispanc. She bluntly explains it by stating “I have learned to respect each of my, uh, respective parts. I am American; I am black; and I am Hispanic. End of discussion.” Just by a person knowing their heritage they are more American than ever for the pure fact that it they are bringing something different that no one else can have. Unlike people who grow up thinking they are a certain ethnic race and don’t question who they really are or even make the attempt to find out who they really are.

So, what really makes a person an American? The answer is having security to express who they are. For insistence in the essay by Shah “Longing to Belong,” she is of British decent as well as Afghan Scottish, and British Indian. She expressed her national and ethnic traditions by stating that her where she came from there were arrange marriages, her uncle would chew his food and feed it to her, and she wasn’t really allowed to talk on the phone. Shah tried her traditions and after trying them she felt like it was alright to not follow her traditions. Shah was more comfortable doing her thing and not following her traditions. In comparison to White’s essay “My Identity Crisis,” she expressed that for most of her eighteen and a half years she believed that she was American. Still, had her traditions of eating chicken and rice with collard greens and ackee and codfish with fried plantains. This was completely natural to her unlike Shah. Shah grew up with her traditions, until she gave them a try and saw that it wasn’t for her. Some people may go thru their whole lives not being able to express who they really are because they think that if they don’t follow their traditions their family may think less of them. Others like Shah try out their traditions and decide that its not who they are or it’s not what they are accustomed to. No matter what it is, people still have that security to express who they really are.

Just what makes a person an American? Depending on the person that answer will differ. People will most defiantly agree that being a citizen of this country, knowing their background as well as heritage, and finally having the security to express who a person really is makes someone American. Anyone can be or say that they are an American, but do they really mean it? Do they really know what being an American is? No matter what the answer is everyone can have that opportunity to express who they really are. So, who is an American?


Could you please proofread my argumentative essay and make sure that my pronouns agree with each other. Thanxs!
--------------------
Who Is An American? <~~only “Who” and “American” need to have capital letters

What makes a person an American? The debate is still going on about what actually makes a person an American. Each person<~~each person debating this? or each person who might or might not be an American? unclear has a different response for what makes them<~~pronoun/antecedent agreement problem American. Some may say that just speaking English well makes them American, while others may say serving their country. Many people argue over the fact ondelete “the fact on” what makes a person an American, but what really does make a person an American? How can you rephrase this entire last sentence so that there is NO repetition of phrases?

According to a new Purdue University study, more than 94 percent of U.S. citizens say that having United States citizenship makes someone “truly American” (Fernandez). In contrast to the 90 percent of those U.S. citizens surveyed that speaking and writing English well and a willingness to pledge allegiance to the flag are not as important in defining someone truly an American (Fernandez).<~~sentence fragment Why would U.S. citizens say that having citizenship is by far more important than speaking and writing English well and having to pledge allegiance to the flag? <~~what?? Some may disagree, but shouldn’t people know how to write and speak English before they become a citizen of this great country? Being a citizen of the USA gives any person that wants to be a citizen an opportunity, the opportunity of starting a brand new life.

When people learn about their heritage, though, they demonstrate another way that a person can be American. For instance, in Floydina White’s essay “My Identity Crisis,” she writes that she conducted some research through her family’s genealogy to find the answers. In the end she found out who she came from and how she got there<~~where is “there”?. By the end of the essay<~~insert comma she just plainly accepts that she’s black-Hispanc<~~sp?. She bluntly explains it<~~what is “it”? by stating<~~insert comma “I have learned to respect each of my, uh, respective parts. I am American; I am black; and I am Hispanic. End of discussion.” <~~add reference Just by a person knowing their heritage they”a person” = singular; “their” and “they” = plural; how will you rewrite this sentence to make them match, so that all are singular or all are plural? are more American than ever for the pure fact that it<~~delete “for the pure fact that it” and insert “because” they are bringing something<~~?? What is that something?? These vague references undermine your credibility. different that no one else can have. Unlike people who grow up thinking they are of a certain ethnic race and don’t question who they really are or even make the attempt to find out who they really are. <~~sentence fragment

So, what really makes a person an American? The answer is having security<~~military security? Airport security? What kind of security?? to express who they are. again – “a person” in the first sentence = singular; “they” = plural; how will you fix this? For insistence<~~?? in the essay by Shah<~~delete “by Shah” “Longing to Belong,” she<~~delete “she” and insert “Shah” is of British decent<~~”decent” or “descent”?? look them up at http://www.answers.com as well as Afghan Scottish, delete comma and British Indian. She expressed her national and ethnic traditions by stating that her<~~delete “her” where she came from there were arrange<~~”arranged” marriages, her uncle would chew his food and feed it to her, and she wasn’t reallydelete “really” allowed to talk on the phone. Shah tried her traditions and after trying them<~~how can you rephrase this so that the concept of “trying” is not repeated? she felt like<~~delete “like” and insert “as if” it was alright<~~delete “alright” (which isn’t really a word, no matter how many times you see it on TV!) and insert “all right” to not follow her traditions. Shah was more comfortable doing her thing<~~”doing her thing” is slang; how can you state this more specifically and formally? and not following her traditions. In comparison to White’s essay “My Identity Crisis,” she<~~”she” = who? White or Shah?? expressed that for most of her eighteen and a half years she believed that she was American. Still, had her traditions of eating chicken and rice with collard greens and ackee and codfish with fried plantains. <~~sentence fragment This was completely natural to her; Shah, however, grew up with her traditions, until she gave them a try<~~this sounds as if she lived some kind of non-traditions life, and then suddenly she lived by them – doesn’t make sense and saw that it<~~what is “it”? wasn’t for her. Some people may go thru<~~sp? their whole lives not being able to express who they really are because they think that if they don’t follow their traditions<~~insert comma their family may think less of them. Others like Shah<~~add commas after “Others” and after “Shah” try out their traditions<~~you really need to rethink the phrasing “try out” when applied to traditions; find other, more specific wording and decide that its<~~”its”?? what is “it”? not who they are or it’s<~~?? not what they are accustomed to. No matter what it<~~?? is, people still have that security<~~?? to express who they really are.

Just what makes a person an American? Depending on the person<~~insert comma that answer will differ. People will most defiantly<~~do you mean “definitely”? agree that being a citizen<~~needs to be plural of this country, knowing their background as well as heritage, and finally having the security to express who a person really is makes someone American<~~”a person” and “is” and “someone” -- need to be plural. Anyone can be or<~~delete “be or” say that they are an American, but do they<~~”anyone” = singular; “they” = plural; how will you fix this? really mean it? Do they really know what being an American is? No matter what the answer is<~~insert comma everyone can have that opportunity to express who they really are. So, who is an American? <~~ending is still quite vague

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/pronouns.htm

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/fragments.htm

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/commas.htm



OK, that was mostly for the mechanics.

As far as content goes, I think you have some good ideas here. It would be a stronger paper if you would include more specifics. What traditions -- specifically?

Also, the fourth paragraph needs to be divided. The first part of that paragraph is referring to Shah's article, while the second part of that paragraph is comparing/contrasting Shah's and White's ideas and experiences.

The conclusion needs to be more conclusive! Ending with a question is not a good idea in an argumentative paper. What are you trying to prove in your paper? That needs to be stated in the first paragraph, but that paragraph also ends with a question.

You need a thesis statement at the end of the first paragraph (statement = one strong sentence stating what you believe). Your conclusion needs to echo your introduction and restate the idea (but not the exact words) in your thesis statement.

http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/thesistatement.html
From an excellent grammar and writing resource online: http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/catalogue.html

=)

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